Adult life isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Maybe nostalgia, gripping and taunting me, causes me to come back here. To a time when I could afford to go to anime conventions, to spend hundreds of dollars a month on anime and manga. Not just money but TIME, of all things. Time is something I have less and less of. Then these pesky dreams that plague me still. Seeing my default image of Tokyo Tower, a picture I took myself...reminds me that Japan is where I want to be. Japan, with all of it's gaping flaws and glorious apathy. I'm a long way away from there but I will someday return.
what a great day, when Cowboy Bebop came to the mainstream TV audience, and brought me to the community here and made me so many friends. I still have yet to rewatch any of the anime I have bought for a full 2nd playthrough, I want to so bad but Time is a difficult thing to find. I also want to share the experience with others, as I have anime that is quite under-rated (who has heard of Infinite Ryvius? It's so good but no one knows it). Someday, maybe.
My drawing isn't going as I hoped lately. Introducing P90 to my single life hasn't left me with time I need, also with trying to learn Japanese it seems to be the thing most often cut out. Well, this is mainly because I'm playing Star Wars: The Old Republic now... sleep schedules will have to be rigidly maintained. As I am drinking right now and it's almost 5am, I suppose it's another thing put off till tomorrow.
Work stresses me out and pushes me far. It's been tough, extremely tough. Even here, where I can be fairly anonymous and unwatched, I feel guilty bleeding all the problems and pressures I experience there. I feel it may be more than most, as family is involved, but I cannot shy away from an opportunity to make myself stronger.
Do you all still dream? Are you living yours? Constantly redifining a dream is important. adding realism to the picture in your head will flesh it out and make it more attainable, or make it less appealing, depending on what truth does to it. The more I've learned about Japan as well as drawing the more I want it. my lazyness and apathy can be curbed if I play to my weaknesses.
It breaks my heart thinking about what I gained and lost here. I don't know if I could've done anything to avoid it or not. In spite of what you may think of me, there is still a flame, however small it may be, that burns for each of you. And some may have even unfriended me due to lack of activity, but I still think of you all. I'm not a saint. I am just me.