Tokyo nights expose'!!!!!!!
tokyo tower
Well i promised a long time ago i'd upload pictures of japan. Thanks to LJ's new user friendly way of doing it, I will pull through with my promise!

Some of these are mine, some are my friend Preston's (his are the better ones >.>) I also made a slide-show video using one of my fave Rip Slyme songs, Tales (and i follow the "tales" theme in the slideshow. some lines are corny i warn you...)

lets see if I still remember how to cut.....

Tokyo Nights!Collapse )

The End!! I hope the myspace image links work. If not i'll have to re-work it >:-( so if it doesn't work give me a sec to finish it. Leave comments please!

Edit: Images fixed. I guess i should put them up on photobucket so that i can upload the full pics and not the myspace thumbs. I am sorry for the inconvenience! better then nothing neh? but like i said the rest of the pics are on myspace.

An explanation of sorts
tokyo tower
Sorry for my cryptic last message.

The past couple years have been a struggle, as always, of my own doing. Some though, would be external.

In 2007 my cousin Jimmy died. He was 21. I am a living abomination of that incident, but not by my doing. He died of a car crash, falling asleep at the wheel. He had a girl, that would have been his fiance'. He was interested in fixing things and aspired to start his own garage. This kid had dreams, a future.

About a year ago, my mentor and close friend Denny died. He his 50's. He had heart problems, most of which were hereditary. He was a bull headed man, a wise man, and a kind man. When he came to the end of his days, he was pushing himself very hard in the midst of medical complications at my fathers factory. This factory was where i toiled for many years, 5 to be exact, and in those years i came to know Denny. He always cared about me, and I also cared about him. In a detached musing, i wonder if I still worked at the heat treat, would he still be alive. Not that i put this on myself, but just a musing. Denny had a heart that was weak, but the metaphorical heart he had, was very strong, and big. His focus was young black men, that he saw promise in at the factory. He would impart his wisdom, hang out with them, befriend them. Some were in gangs, some were just pretending to be in gangs. He had good judge of character, but did too much for them, but i knew it was what he wanted. His heart did him in, the night he died my brother administered cpr and the ambulence came.

2 lives that, had I died in their stead, would continue to shine on and be fruitful. Denny believed in the youth, and I know he wouldn't want to live at my expense, but he would do so much good in the world if it had been me instead. And my cousin, he had direction. He had hope, dreams. These are all words foreign to me. I have despair, fear, uncertainty. I perpetuate my situation in mortal fear of my debts, in fear of the unknown. I wish I'd riden over to the factory to show Denny my bike like i meant to.

I've been trying to take my anti=depressants. I think of them as blinders, which is a double-edged sword. But the benefits outweight the other stuff.

But i've broken life down to a formula. Happiness = What we enjoy > the cost to enjoy it. Sadness = What we enjoy < the cost to enjoy it. When you have people, god, THINGS in your life that make it better, they are what you enjoy in life. We all have a cost of living and must maintain it. otherwise we do without some of those things. to do without too many things, and the cost doesn't justify it.

It's a cold and calculated way to view it. But i have no future, you see.

We all know the nursery rhyme. Go to school, go to college, get the job, get the girl/guy, get the house, get the promotion, retire at 60, see the world. Life is a constant barrage of things we do not like. We do not like having a mortgage, a car payment, student loans, working. But these are all things we must endure to justify our enjoyment of the minutes spent not doing the tedious.

But the key is in enjoying that which is tedious.

I have no future. For me to pretend to roll a dice and expect anything but snake eyes, when I have a dice stacked with 1's, is insanity. I am safe, but i will never gain. If i leave this cocoon, and gain 5 more numbers, i may roll a 7. and I may roll snake eyes again. I fear that. But, i guess a little fear is okay. But a healthy mind must consider that if I continue living as i am with no future, what right have I to be surprised when no future comes?

I know not what I want to do with my life. I have dreams of cushy jobs that require no work, as i'm sure many do, but the only thing that I know for certain is this: I must return to Japan. I MUST.

At the momment i'm considering the program that sends americans over to Japan to teach english. It could be the perfect fit. I wouldn't make money really, but when I think of japan, i don't think of having things. maybe a beer on the weekends or something.

When you picture your tranquil place, what do you ponder? My mind is so racked with anime that I cannot forget the romanticized Japan, and having seen it for myself, i know it to be true. I picture an open window, the curtains blowing. The sound of the cicada. The nice streets, maybe the click-clack of a train. How could it be that a world where everything is so strange to the way i've lived, seems so right?

tokyo tower
Who would have thought, a life devoid of substance would yield..nothing.

tokyo tower
Still alive.

Been a bit more active in my myspace. doing a little facebooking as well.

I'm not into the blogging scene so much. I really think people could care less, to be honest.

I got out of the family business, finally, and i work as a drafter (not what I went to college for). It's work, it's not bad. Since mid november, I think we've lost 24 to layoffs. pretty great. I could give a crap about the rest, but my best friend got laid off, and that made me all sorts of pissed. And (if you can indulge this brief demon I must exorcise) the fat c*** that is always standing around talking remains. ohhhh, the resentment I hold. her work, hardly rationalizes her remaining. And my best friend tried hella hard, and had a good attitude. Bitter? I sure am.

What else. Ah, Obama is to be our president. I voted for him. I didn't like either of them honestly, I know everyone else wants to hop on his d*** on the way to washington, and that's fine. I think we're screwed any way you look at it, and i certainly don't think this is the time to "spread the wealth". However, i couldn't think of a better catalyst for change, good or bad, then Obama, and the american people need that catalyst to awaken them from their complacent slumber. i'm a bit jaded....if you've not noticed.

OH! I did go to Japan. That was pretty f***ing amazing. I mean, it was EVERYTHING i expected and hoped for, i was not at all let down. Tokyo, Japan, we never really left the city. It's over 100 dollars to travel out of tokyo to any where decent (kyoto, osaka, sapporo etc) but apparently tourists can get a blue book for a flat low fee and travel all over. oops. I can talk more about it if anyone cares to know. and you can visit my myspace to check out the pictures, you don't need an account (i don't think). If you do need one, and don't want one but wanna see them, I'll figure something out.

I have a few goals. I wanna learn japanese. and I wanna get healthy, get into shape. those are in order btw. not sure how i'm gonna do the japanese thing, I got rosetta stoned but I'm not sure how to use it. that's right, I "got" it. wink. the 10 dollar best buy special software wasn't cutting it. it did help, but not enough for what I want to do.

Anyway, i wanna keep it manageable so people might read it. hit me up if you ever wanna talk, my email alerts are still on so I'll see when you guys message and stuff, and I am somewhat active on myspace if you wanna explore that option. peace.

Otaku Happy Hour?
tokyo tower
Not sure if anybody is interested, but in the event you didn't know, I host an anime/jpop/jrock/jhop/videogame show called Otaku Happy Hour. I have to do it remotely now that I'm on second shift, but I take requests as long as it's before 4pm the day of the show (which would be wednesday). If you are interested, then proceed past the cut.
Otaku Happy Hour!Collapse )

dissecting me
tokyo tower
I have realized for a long time, my inner turmoil and strife is basic. It's elementary level. It's a mere grain of sand amongst the deserts of suffering that is wrought upon the world. Something so light and basic is something I should not be ashamed to share, something I should not hide from the people important to me.

When I was a lot younger, 12 years or so ago, I knew what it was to be accepted. I was in a group of friends, our love for each other, as much as kids can have for piers, was that of siblings, yet recognizably different. Between us in the group, we felt there was no judgement, no persecution. Sure, there were squables, arguments even. Sometimes it would get heated, especially between my friends Emily and David. But the next day we'd all be playing street hockey or hanging out on the sidewalk. I couldn't have asked for more. However, as I know many of you realize as well, the more we grow, the more we change. Our clothes, both metaphorically and physically, no longer fit, we put on new garments, new shoes, new lives. The same people we laughed with may not even be in the country anymore. The same haunts we loitered in are ghosts in the fog of our mind. We have put on a new self.

Perhaps, as they all loaded up in cars and drove off to their lives, I felt as if I had gone through an earth quake. A crevice appearing, sweeping out my feet beneath me and spiraling me down in a sea of confusion. My hand grasps out and holds on to the edge of an unfathomable drop. I keep hanging on for someone to save me. The words tumble out from my brain, pathetic, nausiating. People paste the words "Emo", "angsty" on my forehead and write me off without consideration. It's not that simple, and I would hope my friends, of all people, would take the time to understand at least that.

I use these metaphors to describe the seed of pain that lies beneath the surface. I'm a man in mind and body, I can move ahead regardless of what goes on around me. I won't be crushed by my demons, make no mistake. However, I must also be honest with myself and those I care about. People have experienced loss, my uncle and his family have experienced the loss of their only son, his age merely in his twenties. I don't even know the exact age, I believe 21. He endures this pain, as does his family, through many tears, many prayers, and the strenght of all of us in the family tree. And here I sit, basking in my loneliness despite the myriad of blessings I have before me. The fact of the matter is, I have never felt such connection as I did when I was 12. It's the love of nostalgia, the craving of a place you can never return to, to rejoin with a friend you have never known.

I am exhausted from searching. I want to give up on waiting. This is how I feel. To move and to feel productive feels better then anything, yet the first ounce of energy, that burst of intensity, is the hardest thing to get started, and even harder to start after such a long time. I think, believe, have faith in, what-have-you, that there is a soul mate in the world for everyone. It is selfish to think that we are so unique that not even one person out of the billions can understand our point of view with at least 90 percent accuracy. Can I prove it? No. Can you disprove it? No. Probability is on my side, friends. It stands to reason, then, that we may never meet our soul mate during the course of our lives. Or, you can even press the issue of probability further and say soul mates, making it plural. At this point my mind flies through possibility and thinks of all the scenarios that end up with me alone. A billion people? Pretty easy to miss y our soul mate in that amount of people. Pretty easy to forget the face that captured your heart instantly. A billion people, not even possible to meet them all, even if you met 1 person a second (editors note: It would actually take aproximately 31 and a half years to meet 1 billion people at a rate of 1 person a second, but we all know it's perposterous whether possible or impossible).

You may never meet that someone, you may end up settling, anything to fill that whole. I will not settle. I don't care if I'm alone forever, I will deal with this however I have to. Contentedness is not found in the arms of another, it's found in oneself. I am surrounded by a family that loves me, yet am I content? I must answer no, and thus I prove my point: A husband married to his soulmate may even feel this pain, because it is a pain that comes from one's self.

You know something? This society makes me think I deserve something. I'm entitled to it. I've been walking through life with nothing but unanswered questions expecting the world to answer them, because thats what I've been instilled with. And I must keep walking in darkness because the answers will NEVER come. Perhaps this darkness isn't so bad, eh? It could use some light, the light of truth. With every step we take we can get closer to that. And time, our shackles that we are led to believe are so precious, passes by while we wait and while we walk, if we keep walking and doing as we are, won't we be wasting the precious time we have? No, I say, our journey is not to a destination. Our Journey is one that should never end. We should never stop meeting people, never stop laughing and crying. Happiness? The destination? Bah, Happiness is something that should be in your backpack already, perhaps you should look deeper inside. Because, you see....

Most of the things we think we need, are within us already.

lets see if I remember how to do this...
tokyo tower
I wonder if lj-cutting is still in use with all these confounded changes. I'll try it out.

I made a new desktop/web background a while back, making it not so new, but I was kinda proud of it and wanted to share. I will post the stock photo as well. It's from an anime called Ergo Proxy, kind of a psychological suspense kind of anime (a lot like Texhnolyze, if you've seen that anime)

lj cut? lets hope so!Collapse )

tokyo tower
hope all is well...

tokyo tower
been a while!


I'm a kinda/sorta supervisor on second shift at the factory. Has gone pretty well, a lot more stress but I'm handling it. Work and school is tough right now, but it's only till the end of this quarter. next quarter I am only taking 1 class. It'll be nice to recouperate.

November 17th is the day I'm gettin my PS3. I was second in line at my local gamestop, and I couldn't be more excited. I'm still worried about looming supply shortages. Also, a new stress riser in this matter is I have jury duty on the 16th. What if I get called? Worse yet, what if I have to stay over? WORSE YET!!! What if the case isn't solved by friday? EVEN WORSE! What if we are surquesturned?! Lordy lordy, I am going to die X_x


Been playin a lot of guild wars lately. Any of you play? add me, I'm usually on as Hellsing Lt Alucard or Grimn the Reaper

I am already home sick from being on second. I don't know how I will survive on my own when I move out. I feel pathetic.

Ummmm, not much else to report. I have had this major idea for a video editng project, an AMV specifically, but haven't done anything concrete yet. I should but I'm kinda waiting till my broadcast graphics class. We're gonna learn after affects.

peace out.

what've I been up to...
tokyo tower
before I begin, I want to say I am sorry for not making this announcement earlier. I am now marrie...I mean, I am running a contest on (you know, where I do that Jpop DJ gig?). It's pretty cool if you like Kingdom Hearts 2. I ask a question or questions each week (however, this next wednesday is the last week) and people can email me the answer, first correct answer or most correct answer (if it gets down to it) wins.

If you are interested, please add my myspace account (my DJ one, feel free to add my personal one too if you like :-D):

cowboysoultaker (remove the space before the @ sign)

I'm gonna post week2's question sometime tomorrow as a bulletin to give people a chance to answer it. Normally its announced during the show but since nobody participates I try to give everyone an extra chance.

The prize is a Kingdom Hearts 2 wall scroll. I'm offering 2 up for the winner's pick. Also I'm gonna throw in a cool T-shirt and a "best of otaku happy hour" CD. It's not much but it's pretty cool, and it's free, right?


onto the other stuffCollapse )

so what's up? What'd I miss?


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